Say I QUIT

Happy birthday to my brothers!....They're 21 now. That makes me feel extra old....I felt the bomb again. I don't know how to stop it. I tried to sit outside and look at the full moon to calm down....It didn't work. I got my TB test and fingerprints done. I'm really excited for my new job at Next Horizons. I talked to Brielle on the phone....I really think that we'd date if she went to ASU. I need a date for formal. $50 for the ticket on Friday. I don't know where I am going to get it. I have too many demons.

2011: 88 and 48

It was worth it.

I stayed at home all day.....Until the Epic Rhos (except RHOgue, Tekhnik and Cadence, Yin Yang and Archangel) went to Tilted Kilt. I felt a bit uncomfortable because all of the girls were just in bras and skirts....I finally got to play some pool like I've been wanting to. We all headed to Airia Nightclub in Horse Pass Casino and met Cadence there. We got VIP which added to the coolness of it.....I danced with a few girls. When G.!.M., Cadence and I were on the balcony, this girl came up to me and started talking to me, Nicole. We talked for a bit and danced to "Stay Together" by Al Green and she gave me her phone number. Two clubs and two phone numbers....Cadence is still working his magic apparently. Warrior ended up having a lot of "fun" that night. We were all supposed to go to Pho3nix's but I lead Cadence the wrong way so by the time we backtracked it was late and we didn't think it would be worth it to make the drive. I hope I can help everyone before it's too late. I need to think of a plan.

2011: 88 and 46

Have you seen my boy?

The interview with Next Horizons went well I think.....I met up with Autonomous and G.!.M. at Warrior's Native American convocation. I don't think I would go into a convocation....We, PRHOfessor Smiles, Cadence and Yin Yang all went to Motus' house after. He sure does have a lot of animals. Bridget and Akial showed up later....We hung out and played some Mario Kart and ate. It was really cool to just chill with my Rhos. I wish I could help my bRhothers with their pain. I need to figure out how.

2011: 86 and 46

I Want To Turn It Off

My Viewpoints Performance Final was a lot of fun....G.!.M., Motus and Cassandra came. It made me a bit sad that the other Rhos and other peeps didn't come....I hung out with G!M most of the day which was cool because I hadn't seen him in awhile. We went back to his place and napped. Then we went to Native New Yorker and Cadence, Motus, RHOgue, Guardian, Pho3nix, Anoml33 and Dustin were all there....Laura was there. Which brought up great feelings for me. So I drank. I picked up Megan and drove her to the bus station. I've always wanted to get on a bus and just go somewhere.....I sat with her in the bus station and we talked until it came. It was nice to just talk with someone. I felt at ease. But then I started freaking out and she noticed. She said "yes" to being my date to formal on May 29.

I really like that she helped me....I like that she is my friend again. I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all....I told Anoml33 my secret. He wants me to get help. I really need it....

2011: 84 and 46

Say What You Need To Say

I woke up with her....It was amazing. It was nice....It was familiar. I miss it. I hope it happens again....Cadence picked me up and I went home. I fell asleep. Happy Mother's Day and I bought my mom flowers. I hung out with her all day....It shouldn't be a holiday. Moms and people in general should be appreciated everyday. I'm on such a high right now. I have no been this happy in awhile. It's kind of unsettling.

2011: 82 and 46

I've Got To Be Me

I woke up at 7 for my CDE Final at 7:30....I think I died. I hope it was enough to get me to pass....I stayed home and watched Raw, Impact, Fruits Basket, Vampire Diaries, Mad Men. Summertime, suuuumertime! I met up with G.!.M., RHOgue and Motus at school and then Yin Yang and Archangel ate with us at Kanpai....We went to SLG's party and Guardian, Warrior, and Autonomous and Professor Smiles met us there. SLG got four new sisters. As the Rhos were leaving, we ran into a guy slapping his girlfriend around so of course, we stopped and got in his face. We all kept talking to him and he'd jump in each of our faces....We were all ready to fight but we weren't going to throw the first punch. He got arrested. I hope it's actually over because I hate seeing/hearing/knowing that girls are getting abused because I've been around it all of my life. We all went to IHOP but some people showed up slightly intoxicated and it was kind of annoying. I'm glad I only drink when I feel down.

2011: 80 and 46

Turning Tables

We did the last performance for Blue Light....It was really bittersweet. But I'm glad to finally move on....I studied a little bit with RHOgue, Zehra and Louis and Alex. RHOgue and Zehra left and I went to the first rehearsal for Close Enough. I'm really excited for this project and it was cool that Rhiannon let us go early....I met up with the Rhos at the Finals Breakfast. I like making the sorority girls laugh. They find me funny for some reason. "Is that why you guys sat together?" -RHOgue

2011: 78 and 46