Epiphany

I want to be happy....But I'm not doing anything about it. I'm finally acknowledging that I "should be" happier than what I am.....Before I wasn't even close to knowing where I was. It's weird to want to be better. Weird because I was content with whatever I got.....Now I realize that I have been allowing myself to be at a "comfortable" level of happiness instead of going as high as I could. I know I could be happier but I'm not doing anything about it. One day, I'll be able to make the move. I just hope those opportunities stay.

Project Phase III

The concepts I am integrating are Psychology and Theatre. I’ve always enjoyed psychology. I enjoy how it is almost able to explain everything about the human psyche. The human is such a complex entity and for a field of knowledge to almost have it down pat is pretty amazing. Sure there are a lot of variations on a lot of things but the human psyche just keeps evolving and it’s ever-changing. Theatre has been a part of my life for five years now. I absolutely love acting and performing in general. To have the audience in the palm of my hand and to have the power (if I do the role well) to make them laugh, cry, hate me or love me, is just mind-blowing to me. I prefer theatre over film because it’s live and it’s different with every performance.

How am I going to integrate these two? I have thought of two ways. The first one, I do it anytime I take on a role. I use what I’ve learned in psychology and try to figure out the character’s background and motivations that guide the character’s actions. I do my best to psychoanalyze using the information I’ve learned in the past few years to determine how to proceed with the character. The other way is to use theatre techniques in psychology. I need to do more research in this area but it’s the same as using psychology in theatre. I would want to work more with families and to learn about their roles in the family and how they work together. I always thought that life is a play and I guess the family can be compared to a cast you work with. A cast has to be able to have good chemistry and I think a lot of that chemistry comes from understanding one another.

I think this will help me achieve my vision in that “making it” as an actor is more, to me, philosophical than something I can actually measure. I don’t think winning an Oscar is me “making it”. To me, it’s being able to play every role and become every character on a consistent basis to the point where I know that I can maintain it. Delving more into the world of psychology and learning more information will help me with the roles I take on.

I think it can help others because if I can bring a character to life by learning their unique characteristics, then I should be able to better understand the human condition. If I am able to become a character where someone can relate to what they see onstage, maybe I can offer some insight to the psychological problems or questions people might have. Learning about the characters gives me the chance to look at life from a different perspective that isn’t my own. At least as much as I can get without actually body snatching. This would have to take me bettering myself in the psychology field though because I feel out of the two, theatre is a lot stronger.

The Sage

"When we have learned to stop fighting life and to trust its processes, we no longer need suffering." P218

First, I want to say this was probably my favorite chapter. I love this quote because I've been writing a movie for the past three years and this quote sums it up perfectly. It's about a group of people who go through their own struggles; for example, one is gay but doesn't come out to family because they'd be ashamed of him and another is a lesbian who is out with everyone except for her church. Her conflict comes from trying to be a "good Christian" and being a lesbian. Well the movie goes on with the several characters going through their struggles. Throughout the movie, closer to the end of course, each one just lets go and accepts their situation.

With this acceptance, things happen to become easier. Not because things change drastically but it's that thinking that maybe the best thing to do with LIFE sometimes isn't to fight it but to just accept it and work with it.

"Such a person cannot commit to a lover, because he does not know how to know if this is the right person for him." P216

I almost understood this section, "The Negative Sage". It talks about things not being good enough and feeling numb. I've felt both. I do at the present time with some things I'm going through. It seems as though no matter what I accomplish, it falls short to the feeling of "accomplishment" I think I should be feeling. I do understand being pessimistic because I don't know for sure if a relationship will work out or if my chapter is going to succeed so I just hope for the worst.

I do understand how others can feel superior to others because of their inability to understand. We (my fraternity) have run into some bad vibes from other fraternities because we're not like them. We're not overly macho or cocky. We actually dance in public and act like ourselves as goofy as that may be. I feel like this comes from them not understanding who we are and I think if we took the time to try to understand each other, there would be no need to feel superior to someone.

The Ruler

"As the Warrior needs to learn to fight for what really matters (not just win) and the Caregiver to sacrifice only for what is essential (not just to win)...." P188

I found this to be very interesting because sometimes we forget to do things for the "right" reasons. This section talked about the Shadow Ruler. They do things for the sake of doing it and not for the "good". It's to win just because they can. To realize the Shadow Ruler exists, sometimes it takes hurting ourselves or someone else. It goes with a saying I live by; "Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven". It's the existence of hell that makes heaven that much better.

"And the saddest resource to waste is a human life." P189

The Ruler can see the potential in all people. As President in my fraternity, I notice a lot of bRhothers being put down and their value questioned by other bRhothers. I do my best to see the good that those in question can contribute. I also do my best for those bRhothers to actually use their potential. Me bringing it out of them and doing it for them will be pointless. I believe all bRhothers have something to contribute. Some characteristics are easier to see or notice than others though.

The Vital Five

One of the five things that I find vital in my journey is my fear of failure. Usually this would stop people from doing many things. But for me, I've heard from others, it keeps me grounded. Not being cocky really goes a long away. I never take anything for granted and question my value of, in this case, myself as an actor. I think this keeps me on my toes and allows me to never be comfortable with my situation. My fear that I can fail at anytime is something I wouldn't give up though.

Another thing is my hesitancy to trust. I guess this can be lined up with my fear of failure. But my hesitancy to trust allows me to keep people at a distance. I've grown up being hurt by those close to me. Not just jumping into complete trust with someone gives me the chance of not being hurt or taken advantage of. I find this and my fear of failure to be necessary so I wouldn't give this up either.

The third thing I want to list is my girlfriend. She provides me with support and shows me reason to be optimistic. As much as she is able to build me up she still is there to keep me grounded and make sure I don't get cocky. I know that she'll stick it out with me through thick and thin, that's why I'm not going to get rid of her. The only thing that would stop us is if I had to move and she couldn't or wouldn't.

Another thing I have is my fraternity. These guys provide a family for me that differs from my blood family. They provide people I can count on anytime and also networking purposes. They know someone who knows someone who knows someone. Being in this fraternity has helped me grow as a person and also puts me in leadership positions that I never would've experienced had I not done it.

The fifth thing I have is my family. As much as I'm grateful for everything they've done for me and who they've shaped me into, I feel like lately they've held me back a lot. There's a lot I want to do with my life at the moment but I have to hold back because of my mom's financial situation or my younger brothers needing someone there or protecting my family from my dad. The thing I would want to give up is my family. It would kill me to do it but I feel like it'd be a burden that I can be rid of. I would come back to help my family once I accomplish my goals but at the moment, I would cut them off.

The Creator

"They may not notice anything that doesn't fit into this basic pattern." P 170

I definitely believe in this. To be raised a certain way, it's hard to ever have that way of thinking change. I never really thought of it the other way, that the person doesn't notice when something isn't fitting into the pattern. The thinking is so powerful that it tends to push the person's actions into playing into the thinking and put them into circumstances that encourage the thinking. That cycle just never ends.

"...when the Creator is active in our lives, we are pushed at least to decide to be ourselves, even if it means that we will die unknown, poor, and alone." P 171

The thing I got most from this chapter was that the Creator being able to be fully active means that there's a a release from the consciousness which leads to being creative in an effortless manner. We push ourselves for things we care about like our arts for example. I have done many plays in sacrifice of having a job which means I don't have a lot of money. That lead to me not having gas for my car or barely affording school but something inside of me know I was doing something I loved so it was worth it to me.

Destroyer

"An awareness of death can free us from the overfixation.....it calls us back to remember what really matters." P137

I am comfortable talking about death. A lot of people I know aren't. It's too gloom and doom for them. I see no problem with acknowledging that I'm going to die someday and that "someday" is unknown. I think I do it because it keeps me driven like the quote says. Sometimes in life, I become too content with what's going on and I don't strive for anything. Also, I may fill my life with all this superficial stuff that ultimately, when it comes to an eventual death, it really doesn't matter.

"...only when we are willing to experience our inauthenticity that we are able to open to our Souls." P145

I learned this through my years of doing theatre. I didn't just have to look upon the surface of the character's motives; I had to look deeper into their likes and dislikes. For example, in the play "Frozen", I was Ralph, a man who kidnapped, sexually assaulted and killed seven little girls. I had to go beyond the anger and monstrosity of him and his acts but deeper. I had to delve into his reasoning. I had to accept his flaws as well as what was actually written out in the script.

It wasn't until I submerged myself into his demons and flaws that I was able to find the key to his character. I believe I was able to tap into the actual Soul of Ralph and that attributed to the success of my taking on the role.

The way to our Soul is accepting and venturing into everything we are. To deny our inauthenticity, is naive, in my opinion.

Seeker

P 126, "To the Seeker, the issue is conformity versus individuality...Yet the desire to please, fit in, to satisfy the demands of family, peer group, work or school environment is still strong."

Through the whole chapter, I got the sense that the Seeker is a Seeker and not a Wanderer because their journeys or missions were genuine. When it was for something bigger than themselves. It's easier to conform and to try to work to please a family. My family dislikes that I'm in Psychology and Theatre. They think I should've done what a lot of Asians do and go into the medical field. It's financially stable and it's what they know. They aren't too familiar with Theatre or Psychology.

P 127 "...we do not immediately find the paradise or holy land we seek."

It takes awhile for us to reach what we originally started off for. I'm sure over my journey as trying to "make it" as an actor or a family psychologist using theatre techniques, I'm going to come across a lot of obstacles and distractions. If my journey is really genuine and true, then I should be able to stay on the course of my journey.

I wish I had the drive of the Seeker. Sure I love acting and will sacrifice a lot for it. But this semester I'm not doing any productions because I want to focus more on family, school, my fraternity, and my relationship. I want to get these things on track before I follow my own dreams. I have noticed that these things take a hit when I do a play because of the time and commitment it takes. Maybe this journey will lead me to something else entirely. Maybe it'll lead me to my best role yet.

Phase I Project

Knowledge:
1) I'll help my fraternity's chapter grow with me being the President.
2) I know I will be celebrating my one year anniversary of being with my current girlfriend.
3) I'll move up to a classroom lead at the school I work at.
4) I know I'll be finally moving out of my parents' house.
5) I know I'll be in two more plays.
6) I know I'll be working at an internship that involves Psychology.

Hope:
1) I hope I'll have enough money to go back to school.
2) I hope I'll be with an acting agency.
3) I hope that I can help my family keep the house.
4) I hope that I can go to Ireland and spend a few months there.
5) I hope that I'll be happy.

Stretch:
1) I'd love it if I could find a way to financially guarantee that my family keeps their house.
2) I'd love to go to Chicago or LA and pursue acting.
3) I'd love to be able to go to graduate school.

Vision:
1) I want to "make it" as an actor.

I want to "make it" as an actor by September 29, 2011. It's going to be difficult to accomplish this for many reasons. The first being that "making it" is such a subjective idea. There isn't really a definite goal that once it's reached, I'll know that I "made it". If I make it into a blockbuster movie, to someone else that could mean that I "made it". If I make millions of dollars, that could also mean that I "made it".

To me, "making it" as an actor is the ability to consistently submerge myself into a role. I did it once for a play where I was someone who kidnapped, sexually assaulted and killed seven little girls. That role messed me up mentally to the point where I was physically suffering from it. I did a couple more roles after that but I didn't work at it as hard as I should or the way I did that other role.

Another reason that this will be difficult to accomplish is that, 12 months is not that much time, as much as it is. I'd have to save up money to move out of AZ. I would move out because I have a lot of actor friends who said that there eventually is a ceiling in AZ and you have to move to LA and Chicago to grow. I'd want to do it here in AZ but if there is a ceiling, I'll need to get out and I don't think I will be able to hit the ceiling in 12 months.

My last reason is that, I'll need to grow so much as an actor to be able to submerge myself on a consistent basis. It seems like every year, Leonardo DiCaprio puts out movies where he just absolutely kills it acting-wise. He's one of the most consistent I have ever seen. But it took him years to gain that experience.

People involved in my vision, I'll start with my family. I wouldn't want to leave them because of our horrible financial situation that we're in now. I feel like I'd be abandoning them. My mom has always expressed her feelings about my sister and how she kind of abandoned us and does her own thing. She's proud of my sister, she just wishes my sister gave back more.

Another would be my fraternity brothers here in AZ. They'd all support me and probably try to get money together to help me out. There are also the fraternity brothers who live in California who are always willing to help a brother out. I could live with one of the brothers until I got on my feet.

Someone else would be my girlfriend. She'd support me for sure but I don't know how a long-distance relationship would work. I would do long-distance if there were more stability in our relationship. Then again, after 12 months of being together, we would be more stable than we are at the moment so I guess that's still up in the air.

This is the link to my prezi.
http://prezi.com/bzo_med0ufrf/bis-402-a-12-month-journey/

The Warrior

P. 96, it is commented that the Warrior "immediately tackles it and tries to save the day". It makes it seem like the Warrior is just itching for a fight or for a cause to try and win. It is also talked about how the negative Warrior takes everything as a contest. I've had that before in that I always wanted to prove I was right. I am one of the Founders for Epsilon Sigma Rho Fraternity, Inc. I wanted to fight everything single unjust issue that we came across. But I've learned to pick and choose my battles. We believe in multi-cultural awareness. I was very ignorant about other people's perspective. But now that I am able, for the most part, to look at things from the other side of the story, I feel better equipped to handle problems.
There is a flaw pointed out about our society. The stereotypical family has the dad as the Warrior and the mom as the Caregiver and if one of them were to be gone then who is supposed to mold the children as those archetypes? We as society need to put more emphasis on equal roles and duties instead of gender norms.
It surprised me that the Warrior was the root of a sense of identity and not the others. It makes sense that the one who defines the boundaries is the one responsible.

Let's Not Forget

I got a lot of studying done because of the 5 Hour Energy....

Ty "Hey girl, how are you doing? I miss my tooth."

That's a reason I love my job. RHOgue and I went to the MGC meeting....I didn't mind being in casual clothing. Just because we don't have a tie on doesn't mean that we aren't as serious or intelligent as you. Then we went to the LGBTQA Fall Welcome and we ran into some familiar faces....RHOgue and I went to DChiL's fundraiser. It was a lot of fun hanging out with different people and then I went to hang out with Audrey GAO. We cuddled for the first time :)

2011: 149 and 87

BIS 402

Lover: 29
Destroyer: 28
Caregiver: 28
Orphan: 26
Seeker: 25
Magician:25
Creator: 24
Warrior: 17
Innocent: 13

I have no idea what these mean. I read a little bit of the book already so I can somewhat guess. But it seems that I'm really not innocent and I don't really fight for things. Lover sounds good to have at the top but it could be possible that there's a negative connotation to it.

My expectations for the class are that I expect to learn a lot about myself as a person. Even just reading the first few pages of the book, I was already inspired and wanted to read more, but I had to go to work. I think the idea of the "hero" isn't really understood in society or it's downplayed a lot. The course sounds like it's going to point out where the "hero" still exists.

Be Eliminated

Sunday August 21: Audrey GAO and I watched "The Wrestler", "Fantastic Mr. Fox" and "(500) Days of Summer"....I really enjoy spending time with her. So I told her how I felt....She feels the same way. Then we took a big step :) I'm really liking the way things are going.

2011: 146 and 86

Monday August 22: I really enjoyed Teachings of Modern Drama and it's cool that Corrinne is in there....Dances of Africa completely kicked my butt. I'm looking forward to the challenge though....G.!.M. and I went to Yard House and met up with RHOgue and Tekhnik for Cece OPC's birthday dinner. Then G!M and I went to Applebee's for dessert and GRL's fundraiser. I'm glad I got to hang out with him.

2011: 147 and 86

Tuesday August 23: Audrey GAO's first text to me was "I decided ur a werewolf".....If only she knew. I think it's time we had a talk....I seriously love Modern Dance. It was so hard but I was into it. I met up with Archangel and G.!.M. and we played pool then I went over to Audrey's...I really enjoy talking to her. I guess I have a few days to come to a decision. I already know what I'm going to do though. I guess time doesn't hurt.

2011: 148 and 86

The largest!

Wednesday August 17: Passport at ASU was a lot of fun....Myself, my sands, my lils, Yin Yang, Cadence and some peeps went to Native after to get some food. Epic Fat Chapter.

2011: 142 and 86

Thursday August 18: The first day of a special year...I have Developmental Psych again and hopefully I pass this time. I really enjoyed Modern....Motus and I talked about being Presidents. I'm glad there's someone that I can vent to. RHOgue, Courtney and I saw "Warrior" and the movie was so good....I'll definitely try to see the movie again. I went boarding around school for a bit by myself.

2011: 143 and 86

Different Styles

Thursday August 11: The Epics had a step/stRHOll practice...Then we all went to Native to eat. It was great just hanging out with my bRhothers for once.

2011: 137 and 85

Friday August 12: Cadence and I went Mill and then we used English accents.

2011: 138 and 85

Saturday August 13: I went to Chili's with RHOgue, Cadence and Audrey GAO and Cadence and I used English accents again....We went to a party after but the four of us mostly hung out by ourselves. I'm starting to really get into Audrey.

2011: 139 and 85

You Have An Annoying Voice

Sunday August 7: I got to meet up with Daisy...We're done. And I'm not upset about it because her thinking is just something I want to completely avoid.

2011: 134 and 84

Monday August 8: I went to Cadence's with RHOgue and we had some drinks and watched a movie.

2011: 134 and 85

Grab a box

August 5: Daisy and I got into it again...I don't know why. I didn't her calls because I was swimming like she doesn't answer mine when she just wants to disappear...ESRho had a bRhotherhood night, we watched The House Bunny. Afterward, RHOgue, Cadence, Archangel and I went swimming, played pool, and went to IHOP. They cheered me up a lot.

2011: 134 and 82

I Caused A Little Bit Of Change, Didn't I?

Somehow my phone changed it's number...So I couldn't communicate with ANYONE. Work was frustrating...Then figuring out my new phone situation, I had to borrow a lot of money from my mom. I hate doing that knowing how low she is on money. I'll just pay her back....I have a lot of offers to move in with people. But I gave Cadence my word. I miss Daisy. I drove to her place but she didn't answer the door or her phone.

2011: 133 and 80

Dinner and the Fight

Daisy still hasn't texted me...Only two texts: "I'm sorry" being the message. I asked to see her and all she said was if I could just see her tomorrow instead....Whatever. So I drank. I picked up RHOgue and we met up with Archangel, Anoml33, Tekhnik and Cece OPC and the ladies of GAO at Dave & Busters....Then Cadence and I went to Canteen. Thor came along too. Cadence and I were stRHOlling all over the place and everyone would cheer and clap for us. Then one of the guards told me to "chill the fuck out". Whatever.

2011: 132 and 78

Can You Undo It?

July 26: ??

2011: 130 and 76

July 27: Daisy and I got into a huge fight....She's tired of lowering her expectations of me. What the hell does that mean?....She wouldn't even talk to her upset boyfriend who was a few feet away. She eventually came when I TOLD her to. I don't know what to do about her.

2011: 130 and 77

Take Care Of Yourself

July 22: Daisy and I got closer.

2011: 129 and 73

July 23: The last day of the RHO Not-Retreat Summer 2011 went pretty well...Warrior was able to make it out. We learned a lot about each other.

2011: 130 and 73

The Greatest Of All Time

I got called into work early...I go to start my car, it doesn't start. My dad gives me a jump....Work was O.K. and on my break I went to see if my car would start. Nope! Mass text out and after work Tekhnik and Cece OPC were there to help out....I really appreciate them taking the time out to do that. They give me a jump. My dad is charging the battery overnight. Cadence and I hung out....We watched "Get Him To The Greek". I needed to get out of the house. I was supposed to hang out with Daisy but the car and she wasn't feeling well got in the way. I just feel like blah now. I hope this retreat works out.

2011: 127 and 73

He Got Away By Submarine

I have barely spoken to Daisy in the last two days...How awesome to have a girlfriend like that. Whatever, I guess she's just busy....We have a meeting tonight and I don't even want to do it. I guess I'm feeling that High Alpha pressure. Whatever....Again, I've run out of money. Stupid week off. I feel very negative. I feel dark.

2011: 123 and 66

I Want To See You Go in

I went back to work after a week off....I missed the kids but not Ashlee. Get off of my back!...I met up with Sandra, Jose's friend, and now I have a part in "The Glass Menagerie". We perform next week which is the least time I've had to learn lines. Then I met up with Daisy...We went to my house to walk Sprouts but my dad was being a fucking dick. As we were heading back to her place, this huge dust storm came. I literally could not see 10 feet in front of me. Daisy wouldn't let me drive home....So we got dinner with Anna and Enrique. He actually paid for 3/4 of it which was cool of him. Then I got to hang out with Daisy who always seems to just look hot. I wish I could help Cadence. I wish i could help myself.

2011: 122 and 64

You're Killing Me

We were supposed to help Pho3nix move....But he couldn't move out just yet. So Autonomous, Cadence, Motus, Archangel, Pho3nix and Guardian and I had an impromptu pool party....It was a lot of fun just being around the Rhos and swimming. Archangel left and Anoml33 showed up. Nancy and her friend came to hang out too....Later on, I went to hang out with Daisy. We hung out with Ana GAO. We're totally going to win this newlywed game. Then we had some problems but we were able to resolve it. We always do.

2011: 115 and 62

In My Time of Dying

I waited all day to get out of work....I had a crappy paycheck because I was sick for a week. Later I went over to Daisy's....We hung out with Ana, her cousin and their aunt at Starbucks. Then Daisy and I saw "Bad Teacher". It was actually a good movie....She got us Sonic and then we went to her place to talk. We had some awkward conversations about being called the wrong name, getting bored and not working out. I don't understand how this stuff happens to me. Just my luck....

....even though I don't believe in luck.

2011: 113 and 62

At Least He Knows How To Eat.....

I was called into work early because Chelsie was sick....I had a lot of fun. I miss working the morning shift...I really enjoy working with Katianna. After I got out, I headed to pick up Cadence and G.N.E. was underway. He drove us to Jobing.com arena and we WOULD run into Ernesto in the parking lot...Jesse and The Toy Boys were a really cool band. The dancers were so damn great and then Nicki was amazing after them. Britney wasn't that great as a performer but she was a lot of fun! Apparently, someone was looking at Cadence's penis when he was peeing....We drove to BS West! Autonomous met us there and we ran into Griffin. We danced the night away but it was getting too crowded and hot for me so I sat out the last 15 minutes. I've been having a good past couple of days. Money is my only problem.

2011: 111 and 62

Here We Go

No text from her all day....I worked. I really like the afternoon shift more than the morning shift but it's not as many hours....Still no text from her all day. We finally talk and we get into another altercation. She things I don't go 50/50 when it comes to hanging out and also in our relationship or whatever this is....She talks to her ex more than me which makes me feel awesome. We kissed; I guess that means we patched things up. I told her that she seems like she just closes herself off to me. I guess we're both going to try harder....I need to get to Paradise Valley like I've been wanting to. To my place. I wonder if she knows that fights and negativity stay with me. I'm excited for the Britney Spears/Nicki Minaj concert with Cadence on Wednesday. I have a week off next week.

2011: 110 and 61

Show Me What I'm Looking For

I woke up next to Daisy which is always nice....She said I kiss like I'm not trying. She said she's always the one kissing me and I "never" kiss her....I wonder if she knows I'll now and forever be hesitant and self-conscious about how and when I kiss her. I've never had complaints from anyone else. Then again, you can't be the best to everyone....Cadence picked me up and we went to Nancy GAO's pool party. Anoml33 and Pho3nix and other Greeks were there. I was happy to be able to hang out with different folks. Later, Cadence and I went to BS West....It was a lot of fun just dancing again. I took Cadence to this spot in Paradise Valley on a mountain. I'm going to experiment soon. Apparently, Daisy is mad at me again. Apparently, we only hang out because SHE initiates it.

I guess we'll talk about it on Monday when I see her.

2011: 110 and 59

She said I was sexy :)

I worked from 8-1....I don't know where I am going to live. I wish things could be resolved so I would just KNOW....I hate being treated like a child. I hate being told what I can't do. Don't tell me what I can't do....The first Epic Zeta chapter meeting with High Alpha Enigma. The only neos who were able to come though were Motus, Archangel and Guardian. I got some good feedback in how I am as High Alpha so far. I just hope to keep improving....Then G.!.M. and myself had the national board conference call and Archangel stayed with us. Us three, Anoml33 and Cadence went to Native New Yorker after. It was cool to just hang out with my Rhos. I ran into Veronika. I need to get this insurance stuff done!

2011: 108 and 59

You're Said Too Much

It's amazing how a few things can throw off an otherwise good day....I had a bad day at work. It was just really frustrating...I watched an hour of "Brick" but decided I didn't like it so I stopped. I went to the DisOrientation rehearsal with Motus and Archangel. That was actually a lot of fun...Anytime I get to do theatre things, I'm fine. Anytime I get to see my lil bRhos, I'm amazing. Motus and I go to QT and we see Daisy, who's supposed to be out of town. Apparently not....I freak out and after a half hour of freaking out, I drop Motus off. I didn't want to "wolf out" in front of him. Of course, it started happening. She says it was just miscommunication. That doesn't stop it though.

2011: 106 and 59

Sunday Funday

Sunday Funday.....What the crap?! G.!.M., Autonomous, Cadence, Motus, Anoml33, Guardian and I met up at Vista and we ate and swam...It was a lot of fun to just hang out with the Rhos because I missed them. I didn't feel too great with the damn coughing. Then we went inside and played pool and ping pong....Daisy texted me. That threw me for a loop and I had an "attack" for a little. I think I can do it on purpose, I just need something to tie me up and a place to do it. Today was a nice day.

2011: 106 and 57

Lonelily

I'm still really bummed.....Apparently I also have valley fever too. Pneumonia and valley fever, how great....Later, I went to hang out with Stacy. We got QT drinks and we walked around TTL. I was feeling better in that I was able to walk through the park....But at the end, I couldn't stop coughing. I guess it'll be awhile before I am better. It was really nice seeing Stacy. I missed my good friend.

2011: 104 and 57

With German Boots

I didn't go to work today....I feel slightly better but still in hell. I don't get how you yell at someone when they're sick....Later in the night, I left my house because I couldn't take being indoors anymore. I hung out with Daisy which was really nice. We had some interesting conversations about being ready, not knowing each other, and the future.

2011: 104 and 55

No More Bloodshed

I called into work....I finally went to the doctor. I got blood work done, an inhaler, nasal spray and my pills from the psychiatrist.....Today was just a crappy day. I just hope things get better fast. I need to heal.

2011: 103 and 54

Right Now

I feel like shit....I have a fever and my body is sore. I hate being sick...I went over to Daisy's and we got lunch with Ana, Angela and Ernesto. Daisy took care of me all day. It was sweet of her....We went to Victoria's Secret with Ana but I felt like hell. I danced with Daisy under a streetlight. She sang to me which I really liked. I started to sing "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillet and when it got to the girl part, Daisy started singing it.....It was a nice moment. She's trying to figure out which "Michael" I am at times.

2011: 103 and 52

Due To Circumstances

I met up with Daisy because she was upset about something....I don't like seeing her upset. We talked a lot about my past.....I trust the girl a lot. I really enjoy spending time with her. I like her a lot.

2011: 101 and 52

First Lady

I don't remember.

2011: 99 and 52

How Does It Feel?

Epic Zeta Formal!.....Daisy was my date and when I went to pick her up, she looked amazing. She always seems to though....Everyone was there except RHOgue, Tekhnik and Yin Yang. I won the "Most Likely To Get A Girl's Phone Number At The Club" award. I can't believe I am now the High Alpha for our chapter.....I'm nervous I am going to let everyone down. Afterward, was the dance which more people came to like some sisters of GAO and Dustin. G.!.M., Autonomous, Archangel, Motus, Anoml33, PRHOfessor Smiles and I all went to the DollHouse after to continue the party.....Everyone didn't leave until 5 a.m. I spent the night at Daisy's. I can't stop what is happening inside of me. No matter what I do. I can subdue it but I can't eliminate it.

2011: 98 and 51

To Say The Least.

I worked from 9-5....I met up with G.!.M. and Cadence at McD's and we talked about our appropriations. I hope we get what we asked for....."B.D." finally replied and said that if I wasn't too busy being skeptical and tried to talk to her then I "would know what's up". How can I not be skeptical when she doesn't give me much to work with? She acts fine and dandy with everyone else but with me she's upset?....Maybe she's just taking it out on me. I do want to talk to her though and figure things out. G.!.M. and myself sat in the jacuz and talked. It was nice to just relax and talk. A good change of pace.

2011: 96 and 51

Please Accept Me

I worked from 8-5....I hung out at PRHOfessor Smiles' because Angela GAO said she could get the young Epics into Cream Lounge. But she couldn't....So G.!.M. and myself went. "B.D." went there too and it was a lot of fun dancing with her. Everything changed later and she seemed really upset....Then G.!.M. noticed me "wolfing out". But I dropped him off. It hasn't fully happened yet but I'm definitely not going to have someone around whenever it happens. We'll see.

2011: 96 and 49

No Love

Happy Birthday to my sands RHOgue!....I worked from 12-3 p.m. That was a weird shift....I went to Vista to meet my sands, Motus, Yin Yang and PRHOfessor Smiles. We went swimming and ate cake. I love my Rhos.

2011: 95 and 48

It's The Hardknock Life

Thursday 19: I am in love with my job at Next Horizons....The kids are so amazing and I get paid to just play games and read to them. I'm definitely sticking around....Later, I met up with Brielle and I took her to Hills Park. We had such good conversations together. I wish she lived in Tempe/Phoenix.

2011: 91 and 48

Friday 20: "Everybody Poops" is such a weird book.....I went over to a girl's house. We watched Easy A together....We just talked all night about different aspects of life. I found her so easy and lovely to talk to. Next thing I knew it was 5 in the morning......I slept over there :)

2011: 92 and 48

Say I QUIT

Happy birthday to my brothers!....They're 21 now. That makes me feel extra old....I felt the bomb again. I don't know how to stop it. I tried to sit outside and look at the full moon to calm down....It didn't work. I got my TB test and fingerprints done. I'm really excited for my new job at Next Horizons. I talked to Brielle on the phone....I really think that we'd date if she went to ASU. I need a date for formal. $50 for the ticket on Friday. I don't know where I am going to get it. I have too many demons.

2011: 88 and 48

It was worth it.

I stayed at home all day.....Until the Epic Rhos (except RHOgue, Tekhnik and Cadence, Yin Yang and Archangel) went to Tilted Kilt. I felt a bit uncomfortable because all of the girls were just in bras and skirts....I finally got to play some pool like I've been wanting to. We all headed to Airia Nightclub in Horse Pass Casino and met Cadence there. We got VIP which added to the coolness of it.....I danced with a few girls. When G.!.M., Cadence and I were on the balcony, this girl came up to me and started talking to me, Nicole. We talked for a bit and danced to "Stay Together" by Al Green and she gave me her phone number. Two clubs and two phone numbers....Cadence is still working his magic apparently. Warrior ended up having a lot of "fun" that night. We were all supposed to go to Pho3nix's but I lead Cadence the wrong way so by the time we backtracked it was late and we didn't think it would be worth it to make the drive. I hope I can help everyone before it's too late. I need to think of a plan.

2011: 88 and 46

Have you seen my boy?

The interview with Next Horizons went well I think.....I met up with Autonomous and G.!.M. at Warrior's Native American convocation. I don't think I would go into a convocation....We, PRHOfessor Smiles, Cadence and Yin Yang all went to Motus' house after. He sure does have a lot of animals. Bridget and Akial showed up later....We hung out and played some Mario Kart and ate. It was really cool to just chill with my Rhos. I wish I could help my bRhothers with their pain. I need to figure out how.

2011: 86 and 46

I Want To Turn It Off

My Viewpoints Performance Final was a lot of fun....G.!.M., Motus and Cassandra came. It made me a bit sad that the other Rhos and other peeps didn't come....I hung out with G!M most of the day which was cool because I hadn't seen him in awhile. We went back to his place and napped. Then we went to Native New Yorker and Cadence, Motus, RHOgue, Guardian, Pho3nix, Anoml33 and Dustin were all there....Laura was there. Which brought up great feelings for me. So I drank. I picked up Megan and drove her to the bus station. I've always wanted to get on a bus and just go somewhere.....I sat with her in the bus station and we talked until it came. It was nice to just talk with someone. I felt at ease. But then I started freaking out and she noticed. She said "yes" to being my date to formal on May 29.

I really like that she helped me....I like that she is my friend again. I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all....I told Anoml33 my secret. He wants me to get help. I really need it....

2011: 84 and 46

Say What You Need To Say

I woke up with her....It was amazing. It was nice....It was familiar. I miss it. I hope it happens again....Cadence picked me up and I went home. I fell asleep. Happy Mother's Day and I bought my mom flowers. I hung out with her all day....It shouldn't be a holiday. Moms and people in general should be appreciated everyday. I'm on such a high right now. I have no been this happy in awhile. It's kind of unsettling.

2011: 82 and 46

I've Got To Be Me

I woke up at 7 for my CDE Final at 7:30....I think I died. I hope it was enough to get me to pass....I stayed home and watched Raw, Impact, Fruits Basket, Vampire Diaries, Mad Men. Summertime, suuuumertime! I met up with G.!.M., RHOgue and Motus at school and then Yin Yang and Archangel ate with us at Kanpai....We went to SLG's party and Guardian, Warrior, and Autonomous and Professor Smiles met us there. SLG got four new sisters. As the Rhos were leaving, we ran into a guy slapping his girlfriend around so of course, we stopped and got in his face. We all kept talking to him and he'd jump in each of our faces....We were all ready to fight but we weren't going to throw the first punch. He got arrested. I hope it's actually over because I hate seeing/hearing/knowing that girls are getting abused because I've been around it all of my life. We all went to IHOP but some people showed up slightly intoxicated and it was kind of annoying. I'm glad I only drink when I feel down.

2011: 80 and 46

Turning Tables

We did the last performance for Blue Light....It was really bittersweet. But I'm glad to finally move on....I studied a little bit with RHOgue, Zehra and Louis and Alex. RHOgue and Zehra left and I went to the first rehearsal for Close Enough. I'm really excited for this project and it was cool that Rhiannon let us go early....I met up with the Rhos at the Finals Breakfast. I like making the sorority girls laugh. They find me funny for some reason. "Is that why you guys sat together?" -RHOgue

2011: 78 and 46

Lynching

More babies came in....I met up with my BIS 302 group and we worked on stuff. I got to see Kelsey W. who was very happy to see me....Then I hung out with G.!.M. and Anoml33. I sure do love having the neos around. They're a breath of fresh air.....Cadence joined us and Anoml33, Autonomous and I all went to eat hot dogs. We ran into a girl I took photographs of last year but she didn't remember who I was. So I kept talking and obviously made it really creepy and weird. "Oh yeah I still have photos of you"....We went to this place I found with Grace in the Design North and we chilled there. RHOgue eventually showed up. I didn't get cast. We spent the rest of the night studying in Hayden, G.!.M., came and left, with this girl, Zehra. She's really damn funny and outgoing.

2011: 77 and 45

All Caught Up!

April 29: Multicultural Night was a success!...Although I did expect more of my peeps to come. It just goes to show that people's words are empty at times....RHOgue, Cadence, Pho3nix, Anoml33 and I went to the Doll House. There were a lot of sisters from GAO, a couple Betas and some folks from Theta Nu Xi and Tau Psi Omega. It feels good to just let loose.

2011: 75 and 44

April 30: ESRho and GRL had a social!...We played a few board games together and I think it went very well. I like that the neos got to see us do a lot of work and then still have a lot of fun....My sands, Cadence, Ying Yang, Motus and Professor Smiles and I went swimming and just relaxed. We got some IHOP before calling it a night. This was a good night.

2011: 76 and 44

One Blood

April 24: Epsilon Sigma Rho Epic Zeta Chapter introduces their eight new bRhothers!

"One Blood" Zeta Beta

Jeff Hiatt "Pho3nix" #3

Glenn Karlson "Anoml33" #6

Brian Tang "Yin Yang" #7

Justin Hungeva "Warrior" #4

Frankie Torres "Professor Smiles" #1

Austin Cherryholmes "Archangel" #2

Ameer Halkim "Guardian" #8

Mathew Nevarez "Motus" #9

I'm so proud of these guys and I am so happy to finally be able to call them bRhothers! Happy Easter

2011: 71 and 43

catch Up Part 7

April 16: When we did the Lap of Silence in Relay for Life, I started freaking out....There was a full moon out. I wanted to scream and fight....But Alexis AGD came up to me and she held my hand. I instantly calmed down. I don't know how she did that....Cadence and I were trying to sleep in the tent when Rachel DChiL ran in and headbutted Cadence. I performed Blue Light twice. I threw up once. Another late night....

2011: 66 and 40

April 17: I am the new High Alpha for Epic Zeta Chapter of Epsilon Sigma Rho Fraternity, Inc....I already feel the pressure. I already feel afraid....I'm ready!

2011: 67 and 40

April 18: I love the new Lady Gaga "Judas" song!

2011: 68 and 40

April 19: I think my Zoot Suit audition went alright.....

2011: 69 and 40

catch Up Part 6

April 8: Why am I alive?

2011: 61 and 37

April 9: We had Cesar Chavez Day of service....LSU was late and didn't communicate to us that they had a flat tire. It was kind of stupid that they said that they enjoyed cohosting it with us and they weren't even there for most of it....

2011: 62 and 37

April 10: RHOgue, Cadence and I went to help GAO set up for their fashion show....I'm pRHOud to be a Rho Dog!

2011: 63 and 37

April 11: I laid in the grass with RHOgue and Autonomous.

2011: 64 and 37

Catch Up Part 5

April 2: I met up with Naomi....Apparently she's single again. We're both single at the same time....Thinking back, she would've been my girlfriend if I did not meet Adele. Life is funny. I can't remember anything else.

2011: 58 and 34

April 3: Cadence and I went to the OPhiA PhiHop....I think they might be my favorite sorority. I never really thought about it though....I went swimming with RHOgue, Autonomous, G.!.M. and Cadence and we bbq'd. We were singing and these girls kept asking us to sing. Kidnap.

2011: 59 and 34

April 4: ?

2011: 59 and 35

Catch Up Part 4

March 25: My mom lost her job....Damn this shit. I wish I could just drop my responsibilities and get a job to help my family.

2011: 53 and 31

March 26: Devil's In Disguise was a lot of fun....I like when we do community service that actually has value to it. We worked with Tumbleweed....."G.R." gave me her phone number because she thought I had a great personality. Then Cadence and I went to the Lady Gaga concert. He bought me a wristband and a shirt.....It was such an amazing show! I idolize her so much. She's an inspiration to me. The Scissor Sisters opened for her and they were really good.

2011: 54 and 31

March 27: We made up a new stRHOll, the Cat Daddy StRHOll.

2011: 55 and 31

March 28: I was texting "G.R." all night....She's such a cool girl. It was easy to talk to her....I ran into "L.L." a couple of days ago. It was kind of awkward. I still need closure....Gleeders was a lot of fun like always. Then G.!.M., Autonomous, RHOgue, Cadence and I went to Applebee's. Cadence and I supported GRL and G.!.M. and Autonomous supported LTN. Greek Unity!

2011: 56 and 31

catch up part 3

March 18: Cadence and I went to Dirty Pretty and it was so much damn fun!.....I just hate that I have such low self-esteem. I don't know how to change that.

2011: 49 and 28

March 19: I find these characters amusing.

2011: 50 and 28

March 20: Apparently I was the one "G.A." has a crush on...Ho Dang! I can't stop smiling....

2011: 51 and 28

March 21: It's getting loud again.

2011: 51 and 29

catch Up Part 2

March 11: 2011: 44 and 26

March 12: I got to hang out with Tekhnik.

2011: 45 and 26

March 13: People are really starting to tick me off....Why should I invest in our relationship if I get nothing back? It's a two way street....

2011: 45 and 27

Catch Up

March 5: We slept at Cassius' place and we hung out at the Hilton with Blitz....It was so awesome to see all of the bRhothers again. I wish it wasn't such a far drive....We got presented with a Zeta Chapter banner. We all danced and of course Epic Zeta stRHOlled. E-White!

2011: 41 and 23

March 6: We drove to the hospital for RHOgue....Tekhnik was just texting most of the time and not talking with us. Us and Cadence walked around west Hollywood and it was such a weird place....

2011: 42 and 23

March 7: I was feeling like crap....I like this girl. I hope it works out.

2011: 42 and 24

Ooops

Monday: Black Swan didn't win BEST PICTURE....My dad's car broke down. I took a test in Developmental Psych but I don't think I did too well on it....I could not get lunch with RHOgue because Harvey needed a ride to school. I caught up with him eventually anyway and we went to Gleeders. I really wish I could sing.....I couldn't go to Blue Light rehearsals because I needed to take my brothers home. I've just been studying at home all night. I added Briana G. on Facebook. I couldn't go to the Macayos Rho fundraiser and I absolutely hate it.

2011: 38 and 21

I'm begging you.

Tuesday: "L.L." walked into Hayden....She, of course, didn't say HI to me. I do not know what her problem is with me....I got pizza with Kristi. She's really nice to hang out with. I want to see her in real life....I didn't go to Viewpoints because I could not stop coughing. My ballet performance is on May 5. Now that there's a date it seems more real. I can not wait!

2011: 36 and 16

Wednesday: I was angry today....I went to Cadence's to watch Glee with RHOgue. I'm starting to like someone's sense of humor.

2011: 36 and 17

Thursday: It was good finally seeing Seyandro.....Ballet is getting so much better. I like hanging out with Kristi.

2011: 37 and 17

I haven't heard....

Tuesday:

Cadence and I got interviewed for the State Press about our trip and experience to Collegetown.

2011: 31 and 15

Wednesday:

Cadence, RHOgue and I watched Glee at Cadence's....I met up with Ana M. from Kappa Delta Chi and we ate Raisinets and hung out. She's a really nice gal.

2011: 32 and 15

Thursday:

We had a social with the lovely ladies of Omega Phi Chi. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings but Tekhnik wasn't there. He is really pissing me off lately.

2011: 33 and 15

What the crap

Friday: Cadence and I wanted to go to BS West because it's a different vibe than any place on mill Ave....But we got there and there was a stripper. So I drove us to Dirty Pretty....Where only six people were dancing and we were two of those people. That sucks because those are two of my favorite clubs and Cadence has crappy first impressions of them. We just went to Mill then....We couldn't get into Vintage, School of Rock and Fat Tuesday because Cadence's pants were "too baggy". That's such discrimination against people who are big. We finally got into Wasted Velvet (formerly Whip Lounge) and we ran into Laura there. That was pretty damn awkward....Cadence and I went IHOP. Jessica was our server and she definitely cheered us up. I can't believe this damn night happened. It was one of my worst nights out ever. At least I had Cadence there.

2011: 28 and 14

Deserve?

Monday: I felt a little bit better for school.....My classes have been OK. I'm just trying to take things easy....I went to ASU Gleeders. It is such a great club because we mentor high school and middle school kids with song and dance. These kids are so damn talented.

2011: 26 and 12

Tuesday: I hung out with Mathew for most of the day....I like days where I just run into a bunch of different peeps. Ballet was really good: I found out we're doing our performance to "Comptine D'Un Autre Ete L'Apres Midi" from the Amelie Soundtrack....I am so damn excited for it because I've always dreamt of doing a dance performance to that. I also did the chaine turns fairly well. I get better every time.

2011: 27 and 12

Wednesday: Cadence, Samia and I ate at Pitchforks....For $9. How about them apples?....I went over to Cadence's to watch Glee. They were so damn funny. And watching it with Cadence made things a lot funnier.

2011: 28 and 12

I Have A Question

Tuesday: I got lunch with Kelsey W. at the Phoenicia....It was really nice to just hang out with her one on one. I told her some of the stuff I've been going through....My CHAOS came back. Ballet was amazing. I'm loving it more and more.

2011: 23 and 9

Wednesday: We had a Rho Informational and a good amount came out....It was nice hanging out with G.!.M. We got pizza with some folks.

2011: 23 and 10

Thursday: Kristi asked for my number...Later, I got Lizz's number. I have no idea how that happened....Viewpoints was a lot of fun. I was in a group with Jamie, Tim and Taylor (Team Yuki). In ballet, we started doing chaine turns and it is so damn hard....

2011: 24 and 10

Did You Think?

Thursday: I woke up in the kitchen...I don't remember going to the kitchen. I have new news about my "situation"....It's on hold for the weekend which is fine because it might happen next week. Let's keep this in mind for later. It gets more interesting....The first night of actual dancing in ballet killed my legs. But I absolutely loved it! I can't wait to get more into and get better at it. This will definitely help me in my life and getting to Self-Actualization....The Epic Six and Grillz went to Myst. Fucking $10 to get in and then I paid $5 for Seyandro's hat to be held on to. Casey, Frankie, Kelsey, Jamil, Claire and Christina were all there so that was definitely a plus. It was great that RHOgue was with us and that Grillz was having a good time. E-White!

2011: 21 and 6

Friday: School....Nap. Work....I met up with Cadence and we went to Kabuki with G.!.M., Autonomous, some LSU brothers and Lambda Theta Nu sisters. Frankie and Athena eventually came too. I like having people around....Cadence and I got invited to Chuy's for karaoke because there were a lot of Collegetown peeps there. And one of them said that they weren't going to be in town this weekend but they were there. Hmmmmm! I have to try to give the benefit of the doubt though....There'd better be a good reason for it. I am trying not to get too upset about it. Benefit of the doubt. That's what I have to try to do. No assuming.

Strum strum

Sunday: After work, I sped to the chapter meeting at ASU....We got a lot of things done. I can't wait for our Founder's Day in March...I hope Autonomous and I can pull this Culture Shock forum off. I'm really proud of Tekhnik for stepping up so much lately. I feel like we're all finally working together like we have always wanted....I talked a lot to Cadence about some problems. Particularly one. I'm trying to not let my insecurities get the best of me. But I have 8 or 9 other entities to deal with as well.

2011: 18 and 5

Monday: What a fuck ass day....It was good seeing G.!.M. and RHOgue though. And we ran into Nikki and a couple other sisters from Alpha Gamma Delta.....I want to be more open but I keep losing control. How can I be more honest if I can't even hold onto these truths/lies? I need more time.

2011: 18 and 6

I actually remember

Thursday: I'm still trying to figure out how to feel about the new developments in my life....I don't want to have to rely on something forever. But that is what it looks like will happen....Tuesday/Thursday are such busy days for me. History of Theatre, BIS 302 and Viewpoints are my favorite (even though I have four classes on these days). I ran into Bea and Alex. Viewpoints was so inspirational today....I went again today. I can tell this is going to take a lot of time to work on. I just need to be patient I guess....I ate with Cadence, Kumuda and Cassandra. It was a lot of fun just joking around and then we walked up to the Multicultural Night. We didn't stay because Cadence, Laura, Kumuda, Jamil and I went to Laura's to eat salad. It was so much damn fun just sitting around shooting the breeze with them. Even though Jamil eventually fell asleep....

2011: 17 and 3

raindrop

I need to do better on this...I worked Sunday and afterward, I went to Cheesecake Factory with Autonomous and Cadence. It was really nice...I wasn't ready, mentally, to see the other three just yet. We met up with Chase, Duyen, Jaena and Christina. We played Spoons with them and I thought it was really nice that we actually hung out in real life....Monday, we had community service with ASU. It was so amazing to see G.!.M., RHOgue and Tekhnik again. I really missed them. We cleaned up a school and helped them get up and running....Desert Storm went to RHOgue's house and sat around for awhile. I didn't realize how little the four of us just hang out. We had planned on going to Golden Corral but we went to Barney's and met Mike, Joe and Michelle there. Ho Dang for more Collegetown peeps. Ferris was there and it was cool seeing him although he pissed me off.

RHOgue, Tekhnik, Cadence and I went to Golden Corral anyway....It was good food and good fun. We joked and laughed and was loud like we always are...Cadence left towards the end. He was upset so I wasn't pissed after I heard that. The first day of school!....It started annoyingly. I couldn't find my Marriage class, or my Theatre history class but at least Jason is in it. My BIS 302 was good because I made two new friend, Nicole and Lauren and then Viewpoints was really intense. It was only the first day and I can tell I am in for a ride....I ate with Autonomous and Mathew hung out with us. Cadence eventually came and then Jamil, Casey and Brianna stopped by too. Autonomous and I went to Starbucks to plan out our Culture Shock Forum. Then we got a beer and started talking about personal things and Cadence came too and we were all sharing. We just needed to unwind.

Which led to us being late for practice because we're performing on Saturday....Then a few of us (including me) got into a yelling fit. It was weird because I usually don't raise my voice....Rho is going to be prosperous this Spring. I wonder if I will be though. I don't want us to lose ourselves on this journey and forget who we are.

2011: 16 and 2

Why Are You Shooting?

Saturday, January 8:

I think I've worked my last day at Anchor Blue...I hope they can stay open so when I get back, I can still be working. I think they will....The Epic Rhos has a candlelight ceremony. It was really nice to just speak from the heart with each of them. These Rhos are my family and it feels so great to have them....RHOgue, Tekhnik, Cadence and I got food at QT. We argued for awhile about who Keri Hilson really loves out of the four of us. We picked up G.!.M. We were supposed to go to an LSU party but it was deep in east Mesa....So we decided to go to Afterlife. After gathering jeans and money, it was $15 damn to get in. We went to IHOP except for Tekhnik which somewhat annoyed me. But the four of us had a lot of fun like we always do. Jessica from Alpha Gamma Delta was our server; she's such a sweet girl.

2011: 6 and 2

When The Curtain Calls

This was a great day...I went into work because Cody suggested that I get some extra hours in. I worked with Justin until he left...And Tracey was there. No one really cares anymore because the end is inevitable. I'm going to miss Anchor Blue...I went home for a bit before heading to Corrinne's house. Who lives in Mesa/Gilbert. We got chicken wings and talked. It was nice because we had never actually had serious conversations before....I opened her door for her and when I was walking around to mine, she had already opened it for me. Hmmm. We went to go see Little Fockers; it was a pretty funny movie. We went to her house after. I met her dad and she showed me around her house.

She brought out her ukulele....She started playing songs on it and singing. I got that goosebump thing....Corrinne likes the blues. She plays pool. She likes swing music. I told her my family history....I had a good night. Oh and I got paid today. Ho Dang for money! Ho Dang for friends!!

2011: 5 and 1

Slow Ride

I found out this morning that the entire company of Anchor Blue is going under...A liquidator is coming on Friday to our store to decide if we can stay open longer. Whether it's a week, two weeks or a month....It would be nice. That way we can get a little more money and it'd provide more time to find a job. This is the third company I have worked at that has gone out of business....I'm starting to think that it is me. Autonomous, "Dang that's a national company going out of business. Damn Macks.". I just hung around the house all day and then I met Jenny P. for the first time...I went over to her house. Her friend Jarrett, is such a good looking guy and his personality is amazing. He buys his clothes on ebay. I'm going to look into that.....We watched a movie (along with her roommate, Melissa). The movie was The Human Centipede. It was pretty disgusting. This doctor kidnaps three people and surgically sews them together. Ass to mouth with the guy in front with two girls behind him. I need to get my head around something else.

2011: 3 and 1

I Have It

I sure do love eating leftovers!...I worked from 2-6:30. I got to meet Cody....Tracey said to be weird to him (be myself). I did that and I found out that he's just as weird as I am. So it was pointless...Nicole came in today. It was really nice seeing her. I went to Cadence's and we watched Inception and ate lasagna. I can't get sick of that movie....Apparently Danielle has a secret. She won't tell me though. I think it is because I won't tell her mine. Tomorrow is the first Rho meeting of 2011. Big things poppin'.

2011: 2 and 0

Look At You

So I didn't work Friday...But I did do something. I don't regret it at all....It was pretty damn amazing. I felt alive. I hope it happens again....Even if it doesn't, I am still happy it happened at all. I hung out at home for awhile and then decided I should go out. I plan on spending next New Year's with my family. I went to Tekhnik's house....We played two games of League of Legends and then headed to Rosie GAO's house party. A few Greeks were there but Tekhnik and I represented for Rho. We drank a good amount. G.!.M., Autonomous and Cadence eventually came there. I never got my new year's kiss.

I took Cece OPC home and she was making my lil bRho look kind of dumb....Tekhnik was pretty wasted. That whole situation last night was just annoying.....2011 here I come. You'd better get ready for me. Or maybe I should for you.