I Don't Care For Fairy Tales

I'm getting sick of these illusions of "good people"....I think there are just people. And people do things....Things have been hectic and will get even more hectic. It's our Rho Week (February 24-March 3). Epsilon Sigma Rho Fraternity, Inc. was founded on March 2, 1986....We had a great "ESRho Family BBQ". My mama got to meet the Rhos and hang out with them. It was frustrating though with how unorganized we can be at times. Today, no one showed up for tabling except for me....I'm getting more and more tired. Things are happening again mentally. I think I know when I can see my psychologist. I need to. My Theatre classes start on March 4....

Take Her Out

I am doing terribly with keeping up with this....School has been alright. I'm anxious for my Theatre classes....Serena and I have been great. We celebrated our one year last week. We both dislike Valentine's Day so we did not see each other then....ESRho is getting hectic as we have a very busy two weeks. The Showcase performance with OPC and KDChi was amazing! I love performing so much. I have been toying with the idea of becoming a motivational speaker or at least looking into it....I signed up for my first audition since December 2011. We'll see how it goes. If not, I am going to flip out. If I do get it, I'll flip out but in a different way. I'm on my way back!

The Rising

Things have been slightly getting better....I spaced away from Serena because I didn't want to lash out and be who I used to be. I think it helped because we were pretty grand when we finally saw each other last night....Work is starting to get really tiring. I get by in the day if I have an energy drink but I don't want to go to being totally dependent on it. I just need a good sleep and to relax....This recruitment thing is fun. It is interesting to me how we recruit and pRHOmote ourselves. I wonder how other organizations do it. I'm nervous for the Greek Unity event on Saturday...I am one of the keynote speakers. I have no idea why especially on the topic of Greek Unity. I figure I'm one of the last people who should be speaking on it. Well MGC is competing as it's own team for Greek Week and I was one of the people spurring for it. Hopefully we do not fall flat on our face.

A Volcano

I am just starting to get angrier....I'm in a dark place. I feel though that my "dark place" is a bit different than others' "dark place"....Serena and I have been fighting for the past two days. Fan-fucking-tastic. It seems like negativity just overflows everywhere.....Today has been terrible as well. I feel like going to drink. I'm trying to avoid using drinking as a coping mechanism but sitting around doesn't really work. It seems like things around me are falling apart as well....I didn't go to Jazz because I was late so I would not have been allowed to participate. I don't have my laptop because it is broken. I'm having a problem with someone who I have always had a problem with today. The pool tournament is tonight and I'm sure I will not do too well. I just want to hide and scream and kick something.

A Return

My last post was on December 24, 2011....My friend Sandy B. and I decided that we are going to start blogging again. To say what I have been doing for the past year would take a long time but I'll try!...I have dating Serena L. since February 12, 2012. It's almost our one year. I am also High Alpha for Epic Zeta for the second year....It's a tough year for us because after May, we will have five BRhothers graduate. Which means we will really need to recruit this semester. I have only three Dance classes until my Theatre classes start in March. But my Dance class starts at 7:30 a.m. on Monday/Wednesday and I go to work at 7 a.m. on Tuesday/Thursday/Friday....That means I will be sleepy all semester. At least I'm less busy this semester. Taking a Latin/Salsa I with my sands RHOgue is so much fun. We should've done this a long time ago. I have a feeling we'll get even closer.

Epiphany

I want to be happy....But I'm not doing anything about it. I'm finally acknowledging that I "should be" happier than what I am.....Before I wasn't even close to knowing where I was. It's weird to want to be better. Weird because I was content with whatever I got.....Now I realize that I have been allowing myself to be at a "comfortable" level of happiness instead of going as high as I could. I know I could be happier but I'm not doing anything about it. One day, I'll be able to make the move. I just hope those opportunities stay.

Project Phase III

The concepts I am integrating are Psychology and Theatre. I’ve always enjoyed psychology. I enjoy how it is almost able to explain everything about the human psyche. The human is such a complex entity and for a field of knowledge to almost have it down pat is pretty amazing. Sure there are a lot of variations on a lot of things but the human psyche just keeps evolving and it’s ever-changing. Theatre has been a part of my life for five years now. I absolutely love acting and performing in general. To have the audience in the palm of my hand and to have the power (if I do the role well) to make them laugh, cry, hate me or love me, is just mind-blowing to me. I prefer theatre over film because it’s live and it’s different with every performance.

How am I going to integrate these two? I have thought of two ways. The first one, I do it anytime I take on a role. I use what I’ve learned in psychology and try to figure out the character’s background and motivations that guide the character’s actions. I do my best to psychoanalyze using the information I’ve learned in the past few years to determine how to proceed with the character. The other way is to use theatre techniques in psychology. I need to do more research in this area but it’s the same as using psychology in theatre. I would want to work more with families and to learn about their roles in the family and how they work together. I always thought that life is a play and I guess the family can be compared to a cast you work with. A cast has to be able to have good chemistry and I think a lot of that chemistry comes from understanding one another.

I think this will help me achieve my vision in that “making it” as an actor is more, to me, philosophical than something I can actually measure. I don’t think winning an Oscar is me “making it”. To me, it’s being able to play every role and become every character on a consistent basis to the point where I know that I can maintain it. Delving more into the world of psychology and learning more information will help me with the roles I take on.

I think it can help others because if I can bring a character to life by learning their unique characteristics, then I should be able to better understand the human condition. If I am able to become a character where someone can relate to what they see onstage, maybe I can offer some insight to the psychological problems or questions people might have. Learning about the characters gives me the chance to look at life from a different perspective that isn’t my own. At least as much as I can get without actually body snatching. This would have to take me bettering myself in the psychology field though because I feel out of the two, theatre is a lot stronger.